“Remind yourself that you’re just a human being, doing the best you can, and that is enough.” Triangulation Holland suggests working to understand your personal values, goals, and standards to feel like you met your own expectations. Holland explains that with manipulative people, “you’re never going to actually reach those goalposts, and your efforts and success won’t be acknowledged if you do.”īelieving in yourself, recognizing your own needs, and disengaging can be helpful for avoiding feelings of demoralization. Someone who moves the goalposts can set you up for frustration and exhaustion. Sometimes, no matter how much you show up for someone who manipulates, they will change their expectations at the last minute to keep you constantly running toward their “goalposts.” “It’s also really important that we don’t project our own values onto a manipulator, because that just sets us up for a lot of disappointment and frustration,” Holland adds. If you think you might be projecting, Holland suggests pausing and asking yourself: “Is this my stuff or their stuff?” This can be helpful for disrupting projection. “But it can also erode your trust in your own reality,” she adds. ![]() Maggie Holland, a licensed counselor in the state of Washington, explains that projecting aids a person who manipulates in dodging responsibility for their actions and helps them avoid changing their behaviors. ![]() ![]() Projection happens when one person claims an emotion they’re feeling - such as jealousy - is actually being experienced by someone else.įor example, a person with manipulative tendencies might cause tension and drama, but blame someone else for creating that energy. With flattery, there’s often an expectation of getting something in return.įor instance, someone who wants a raise or promotion might regularly praise their manager’s strengths and accomplishments. But flattery is often used disingenuously as a tool to gain emotional leverage. It can be hard to tell the difference between a compliment and flattery.Ī compliment is given to sincerely point out something positive with no expectation of gain. Pathological lying may be a sign of a mental health condition. “If one parent doesn’t check in with the other parent, the teen may be given permission to go with those friends,” Drake explains. Or, they may lie to the other parent about being given permission to go out with their friends. People with manipulative tendencies often lie to try to control or coerce others, as well as avoid blame or consequences for their actions.įor example, a teenager who’s been told they are not allowed to hang out with a particular group might lie about their whereabouts.
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